Saturday, April 25, 2009

A dream divorce

Being a bit grumpy and cynical today as I re-read My dream divorce (PDF format) which leaves wondering if there is something special about Canadians. Maybe it is just that we have not been as sensible about alternatives down here.


1. "Sit at the kitchen table and talk about what matters most, which for most people is the happiness and stability of the new family structure," says Cate Cochran, author of the new book Reconcilable Differences. "Talk about what you can and can't do. Craft an arrangement that you can live with and never mind what the rest of the world thinks about it."

2. Get good advice on financial issues, which can be very complicated depending on your circumstances.

3. Show some respect. "You can't belittle or degrade the other person," Cochran says. "Don't fight in front of the kids or drag them into disagreements. We all slip and let our anger take hold, but you have to learn to apologize and start over."

4. Create an equitable schedule and division of financial responsibilities. "You have to figure out who's going to pay for things like skating lessons. It's pretty basic stuff. Draw up a list and keep talking to each other. Negotiate. The same goes for a work schedule and time off. We both had long-distance relationships, so we needed weekends off and we had to work around that."

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